I'm back!

I know I stopped after a few days of posting (surprise!) but we all knew that would happen. I took a break from posting because this had turned into a place for me to vent my negative energy. Being negative about this experience is not helping. In fact, it was hurting.

I made some positive changes: Got a new machine, got access to my data (though I need an SD card reader!). I adjusted my mask appropriately, and managed to start getting a teensy tiny bit of sleep.

I'm still in the denial stage. Not necessary the same part of denial. Before I just thought "This isn't permanent". I just assumed I'd have a surgery, get a nice vacation from work and be all cured. Then I'd sit back and laugh at all the suckers with their hose noses.

This portion of denial sounds more like "This makes me special, I'm going to do this!" In reality it does make me special. This is MY illness that I am taking charge over. It isn't the kind of special thta we WANT to have -- no. But I get to learn new things. Can't beat that.

Yesterday I purchased a hose cover, a hose hanger, and some aromatherapy for my CPAP. (I now use the resmed S9 autoset and LOVE IT). I'll review what I bought at a later time...when I get it.

Last few nights have been better thanks to Ambien. Sleep doc appointment tomorrow. Will post more later.

Mornings three and four...

Sorry for the delayed posts!

The night before morning 3, I manually adjusted my machine (oopsie) to start the ramping pressure out at 7 instead of 4. I no longer feel like I'm dying. I fell asleep within an hour and woke up fairly refreshed (I did get up twice in the middle of the night, though).

The next night was my first non-compliant night. I woke up at 2am and the mask had rubbed a sensitive spot into the top of my ear where it meets my head. It was bleeding and I said "screw this" and took the whole set-up off at 2am and slept the rest of the night. I feel so tired today.

I feel guilty for not keeping it on, but it just hurt way too bad.

Sending an e-mail to my doctor's medical assistant tomorrow asking for the details about my next appointment, the DME and my machine choices for my permantent macine. Wish me luck!

Fisher & Paykel Auto

Morning two....

Going on 3 days without sleep.

Wearing the mask is miserable. And for whatever reason I just cannot seem to fall asleep with it on my face. I refuse to take it off, even if to get a little bit of sleep. I'm going to try taking a bit of Ambien tonight to see if that helps.

All in all -- not off to a good start. But no one can say I'm not trying. I'm focusing on the fact that I am breathing fresh, clean air at night now.


Wish me luck for tonight. I am already exhausted.

Morning one...

I couldn't sleep at all last night. The feeling of air rushing into my face triggers a reflex to hold my breath that I have to concentrate with all my might to over-ride. Concentration does not lead to sleep. Contributing is my insane hatred for things touching my face and I just laid awake in my bed thinking about how much I hated all of it.

When I try to relax, I panic. 

This morning I feel tired and a bit grouchy.

I remain optimistic that I just need time to adjust.

I've cleaned out my mask, hung it up to dry, and will hopefully get through my list of housecleaning chores on my day off :)

Or nap. Whichever. Either way I have 7 hours of compliance wearing the machine! Go me!

The obligatory intro post....

I'm not much for blogging. Don't get me wrong, I've started my share of blogs thinking "I'm going to do this!" And I make 2 or 3 posts and the blog sits there, no one reads it (except for my boyfriend because he is required). But I need a place to write about my adventures with sleep apnea.

On 11/18/2011 I was diagnosed with Moderate Sleep Apnea. The diagnosis was a complete surprise, but by no means a life-ending announcement. After enduring years of Chronic Fatigue it was nice to get some answers, even if they weren't the answers I might have been hoping for.

I am starting this blog today, the morning after my first night using my CPAP machine. I'll go into more detail later about my numbers and my machines and what and how I am learning about this illness. For now, though....I just want a place to document, daily, how I feel in the morning, how I am adjusting to the machine, and which other options I may be pursuing (like surgery) to treat this condition.

If you're new to apnea, or new to the CPAP and you find my blog a year from now and I've finally adapted to the machine, maybe reading that things get better will help someone...

That is if things get better.

Enjoy the rest of your Monday :)